For seriously. I got up at, like, 7:30 this morning.



Now, granted, it's only 9:30 now and I'm ready for a nap, but still...

OKAY UPDATE TIME:

I'm now in Little Rock, Arkansas. Settling down fairly nicely, especially considering what an upheaval this has been, and the fact that I'll be living with my father for the first time in 10 years. Our relationship isn't horrible, but it's definitely got a different dynamic than it might have had... but anyway. Dealing with it. Been doing much emotional catharting (and yes OF COURSE I realise that's not really a word... or IS it? o___O).



Also, I'm temporarily bunking with my sister since my hermit crab (AHAHAHHAHAHHAHA *inside joke*) of an Uncle hasn't moved out yet. I shall not rant. Tis not productive to spread emotional poison about things that shall work themselves out with time.

And I keep seeing butterflies everywhere... (not literally) but I mean, like, as a symbol. They've just started appearing before me and catching my eye. A pair of earings, on a poster, in a piece of art, on a clothes tag or label, and EVEN ON MY FRIKKIN' TOILET PAPER.



I recognize the symbolism. Interestingly enough, around the same time I realized I was seeing these things I was inspired to do a pick with a frog and a butterfly. :3



Considering the fact that I LOVE FROGS SO MUCH and that, symbolically, the frog and the butterfly are very similiar, I would have prefered to be shown frogs instead of butterflies. But, I suppose, even that has it's symbolism. And then also the frog is more associated with earth, while the butterlfy with air, so interestingly it does seem more appropriate (seeing as how I'm an air sign).

And, coincidentally, (or maybe not?) I'm air and *Nessarie is earth, and yet I like frogs and she likes butterflies....

WE WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER, BABY!!!



ROFLMAO

If not as lovers, (considering the fact that Nessa's "barn door doesn't swing that way"---her own words) then at the VERY least, as super close soul friends. ^_^

:

Incidentally, I feel very deprived, having not spoken with Vanessa in like, two weeks, through no fault of either of us. I simply haven't the time to laze about on the computer all day anymore (or rather, I haven't my own computer at all at the moment) and she hasn't been on AIM when I HAVE been on, soooooo...



I HOPE NOTHING HAS HAPPENED TO YOU BABY. D:



Actually, I'm using the family computer right now, but Tatiana is on it practically ALL THE TIME (she's out of school for the summer so we're both at home all day---OMG ROFL I sound like such a bum. XD I mean, I AM going to get a job, but in the meantime my life would appear to the outsider to be very unproductive...) so my comp time right now is limited. I hope to set up my own within the next few days, but hell if I havne't been saying THAT for the past WEEK.

AND OMG All of my work is SO DARK. D8



Everytime I look at my gallery on this moniter, I think, "OMG, is this what people are seeing?" Horrible horrible. The mac moniter just makes everything so BRIGHT... When I do my art, I guess I over compensate and it comes out too dark on regular monitors... *sighs* YOU ALL JUST HAVE TO GET MACS. ROFLMAO

Speaking of art. I've been doing OODLES of painting lately... finally out of my art slump. Hm, go figure, I was a right, a change of scenery did me good. I honestly think that the energy here is just more conducive to spirituality and creativity and honesty. The spirituality part being a bit ironic, considering the fact the people I was living with in Asheville are super Christians. I couldn't do Tarot while I was there. I couldn't talk about my beliefs (or rather, there was nobody there that I WANTED to talk to about them). I did end up having a conversation with someone, but it basically turned into a conversation about how "lost" I was, and it was pretty much implied that I would be on the wrong path until I found Jesus. Blech.

Now, I understand Jesus was great fellow and all, and I understand that people have found themselves through christianity and have become better people and much happier and all that. I would encourage anyone to seek out the religion that's best for them. I also understand that on some level they just want to share this wonderful feeling that they've found, this connection and feeling of serenity. I do appreciate that. But the thing is, I felt most "lost" sitting in a Christian church. I felt most lonely when I didn't believe, with my heart, what other people around me seemed to. I felt most wrong when I tried to feel those beliefs with my heart, and failed... and then wondered what was wrong with me when I couldn't. I have, of course, since then realized that is simply isn't my path. Those aren't my truths. I have another source of light, and inspiration, and, no offense, it has nothing to do with Jesus. It may be your way, or their way, to God, but I think that if God TRUELY loves us the way they say he/she/??? does, then wouldn't he have created multiple ways for us to get to him? Why would he have made only one single way for him to show us his love? It seems contradictory. Like many things in that religion. *cough*



ANYWAY... long story short (too late XD) I definitely feel that I can really open my spirit here, and not worry about the kind of energy I'm giving and recieving. Now, I hope that one day I can be surrounded by any kind of person, and still be balanced and grounded in my beliefs... I'm just not that strong yet. I strive to be, and through making new agreements with myself I know I will get there some day... but it's hard to build levees when the storm is raging.

Hm.... I suppose... that's pretty much it. As soon as I get my scanner and comp up, I'll be able to update with some new paintings, as well as begin work on my digital stuff again (e.g. Guardian of Darkness and other such things). Until then, my loyal fans, you'll have to content yourselves with these meager verbal bits of my life, sprinkled with emoticons. Hope you all are doing well!



Til next time. :3